


collapsing star with tunnel vision

by stray_dog_sick



Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: Love Letters, M/M, also its set in 2008, from pete to patrick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2019-07-20 09:55:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16134848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stray_dog_sick/pseuds/stray_dog_sick
Summary: It took Pete seven years to realise he was in love with his best friend, so in love he couldn't even say it out loud. But his thoughts had always made more sense on paper anyway.





	collapsing star with tunnel vision

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this for an rp there's like a month of context behind this i just really liked the letter
> 
> title from 'the last of the real ones' by fall out boy which also inspired this thing

dear patrick,

im sorry. for hurting you. for acting the way i did when you hurt me. i dont know. im just sorry.

ive been wanting to tell you how much you mean to me for a while now, but i always chicken out when i try to do it in person. feelings this intense scare the hell outta me. not surprised i mistook it as friendship for so long.

but writing things down always worked better for me so here it is: im in love with you. everyone knew it before i did, but its the truth.

when i met you i thought you were too good to be true. we needed a drummer, yeah, but we all know the band wouldnt have worked with my voice. you and your words started fall out boy. and we were best friends from the start, even though i did some stupid shit.

the truth is that over time youve become my whole world. youre the sun i orbit around. i was nothing before i met you, and i'll be nothing after you're gone.

i sound like im obssesed with you and maybe i am a little bit. like when i dragged you away from cobra to record a lullabye because i couldnt wait another week to see you. the whole world could say it needs you and id say 'but i need him more'.

this is all over the place but im still trying to get my shit together again. another truth: my therapist has to tell me to shut up sometimes and talk about myself, not you. could rave about you for hours, how perfect your voice is, how sweet you are. i say these things to you too but i can tell you dont believe me, but i'll say them again all the same.

you have the best voice ive ever heard  
the best personality of anyone ive met  
the softest hair  
the kindest hands - that probably only makes sense to me though  
the prettiest eyes   
etc

im an attention seeker, you know it. god do i want you to feel the same about me. always have, practically begging for your approval on things. maybe thats why this all hurts so much.

because you're it for me, patrick. theres no one else. feelings ive had before that i thought were love are nothing compared to how i feel for you. its on a whole different level. i cant just ignore it, cant move on.

this isnt the letter i meant to write but if i stop now i'll never start again, so back on track: you saved my life. thats one of the things i wanted to say.

when i was sat in that hotel bathroom one of the things i thought is 'patrick will be really pissed if he has to learn bass'. the relief when i saw your face was a shock to my system. i was ready to die until i remembered you exist, and then suddenly i didnt want to anymore. like tunnel vision, maybe; so much to think about but the only thing on my mind was you. a one track mind. just 24/7 'patrickpatrickpatrick', for seven years.

even before i was in love with you - and i wont say seven years, because you were just a kid and i dont think i could pick a start point anyway - i felt strongly about you in some kinda way. didnt wanna let anyone get close and hurt you.

and then i was the one who hurt you. because thats exactly the kind of idiot i am. im sorry. i'd say im mad at you for lying, but you could tell me anything and i'd eat it up. you could tell me you never wanted anyone but me and i'd be the happiest man on earth, even if its not true.

i wanna write our story in concrete so it can never be forgotten. or maybe the songs are our concrete. a discography of you and me. the greatest love story in existence.

the second thing i wanted to say is that i cant imagine the future without you. whether we're friends or lovers youre always by my side. we're the last two people on earth, when everyone else, all the plants and animals and people have died.

this could be the beginning of the rest of our lives if you want. i know i want that. i'm so sorry for hurting you, patrick. but we can fix this, just like youve fixed me so many times before. and i'll try my best to help you, remind you how perfect you are every time you doubt it.

i look at you sometimes and can see into infinity, a whole life with you, playing music and raising my son and always doing the same dumb shit we've done for years already. thats the future i've always seen. i thought you saw it too.

and i'm done with it being just a dream. i believe in us. we're a jigsaw puzzle, we're just missing a piece right now. but i'm not afraid to try and find it. you make me brave.

i love you. i'm sorry.   
xopete


End file.
